Saturday, April 21, 2012

Natalie's Second Birthday

I could not let the day pass without coming here.

What can I say? We miss her. We miss her so very much. The longing never ceases. My arms ache for her as much today as any other. It is an unreal and unfair thing to stand at your child's grave on a day when you should be putting candles in her cake. To tie balloons to her flag post there rather than tie one to her wrist and watch her delight.

We are in a very bittersweet time. Thrilled as Elliot and Anneliese grow and thrive, all the while wishing we could have our three children together, that Natty could enjoy all that her siblings do.

I meant to write her birth story today but find it is too hard.

Today I remember her tenacity. Her strength that went beyond what I have ever known in another person. Her love of staring at The Very Hungry Caterpillar and her beloved Sophie giraffe. The joy of her holding my finger, the protectiveness of placing one hand on her head and the other on her bottom, trying so hard to infuse her with my love. Never once taking that touch for granted. Always knowing how blessed we were to share our lives with Natalie. Today I am remembering everything her birthday brought us, and trying so hard to see that day without also seeing all that was to be taken away.

                                      Thank you for all that remember Natalie Evelyn and love her still.

                                Happy second birthday to my second child, to one of my greatest loves.
                                                    i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)