Details

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we
don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have
to let go. ~Author Unknown

First of all, your comments have brought such comfort to us and every time I see the words "I know Natalie" I feel so blessed. Thank you so very much for loving our daughter. Your taking the time to write us is appreciated more than we can say. We have reread the comments over and over and are always overcome with emotion.

The link for Natalie's obituary is on the funeral home website. You can find it here and here. It will appear in the Democrat and Chronicle tomorrow. There was a great deal of confusion surrounding it as I somehow attached the unedited version when I sent it in. By the time we were made aware we were 30 minutes from home and trying to pick out Natalie's clothes. There was no time to return before the deadline. Writing my daughter's obituary was a near impossible task so I suppose I am grateful that it is done at all. It would never have been perfect enough to match her regardless.

Clearly this is not a position we knew we would be in and there are many details to attend to. We are in the process of starting a non-profit organization called The "I Know Natalie" Fund. This requires the assistance of a lawyer and some time. Our intention is to collect money and provide a large donation to the NICU that was Natalie's second home. In the coming months we will be doing some fund raising efforts through the non-profit account as well.

Some of my dear friends surprised me today by setting up a donation site in Natalie's honor. Without us discussing it beforehand, they called the website "I Know Natalie." Great Snoogle minds think alike.

Thank you again for helping to hold us up. Losing Natalie hardly seems real yet at the same time will hit me with great intensity out of nowhere. I keep wanting to call the NICU for an update or drive over to visit her. Twice I have caught myself reading what others have written about her and thought how wonderful it will be when she can read it someday. Then I remember there is no longer someday. Our future is not at all what it should be. The first night I would not fall asleep because I could not face waking up and realizing it all over again.

There are a million things to say, and at some point I will share the story of Natalie's last day. Right now I don't know what to keep to myself and what to set in print. We are moving through this very strange process....as everyone says, you are not supposed to lose your child. Choosing a burial site is all at once precious, surreal and agonizing. These are some of the last concrete things we are able to do for her and we want it all to be the best it can. We have to find ways to endure the unendurable.