One Full Week!

I have now been an inpatient for a whole week. While each day has been long the week itself passed pretty quickly. A series of colorful roommates and daily dramas with Baby Girl have moved time along.

Thursday evening during her routine heart beat check she had a very obvious deceleration. I had never heard one before and it startled me. The low amniotic fluid level leaves her more vulnerable to compressing her cord. That causes her heart rate to drop and hopefully startles her enough to move positions and release the cord. It was scary but "normal" for a baby in our situation (this happens to all babies but with her it will be more frequent). Two hours later at her next heart rate check she has another very obvious decel. I thought my own heart would stop. Yes, they say it is normal, but to never hear a decel then suddenly getting them two times in a row is disconcerting. I am her mother-the idea of her blood supply being cut off, however temporary, will never sit well with me. Now the doctor comes in and while reassuring me also orders a non-stess test to get a visual of her heart rate. We are in a difficult situation. If the NST shows she is in great distress the only treatment option is delivery and delivery at this point would most likely be fatal.

Baby Girl passed the NST with flying colors and her parents were once again given some relief. We had our regularly scheduled NST Friday morning and that too went well. Her heart rate fluctuation looked so good they hung the print out on my bulletin board as a "report card."

In general she has been keeping them busy hunting her down for heart rate checks. It is not uncommon for it to take 20 minutes and two nurses to find her. One nurse suggested we pick a name that means "trouble maker."

The reality of inpatient life has set in. There is constant frustration with food service, constant interruptions day and night and the overall lack of control over my daily existence.

One of the biggest drawbacks is occasionally sharing my room. Realistically I know I can't be here alone the whole stay but boy do I fantasize about it. Roommates arrive with as little as 5 minutes warning and so far have always arrived with loud personal dramas. I love that our country has strict health care privacy laws but as an inpatient your "privacy" is only an ugly rose colored curtain. The way people carry on when I am in the same room confounds me. It also makes me appreciate my own sweet husband that much more.

Roommates mean having little control over my personal space. When insomnia hits at 3am I can't turn on the light to read or watch TV. When Annie visits I feel the constant pressure to keep her extra quiet and contained. I am also subjected to whatever visitors come along and there is no escape. Yesterday my roomie brought along three heavy smokers. The door was closed and it did not take long for the smell to become overwhelming, especially as people took turns with frequent smoke breaks. I am not supposed to leave my bed unless I am headed for the bathroom but the smell was nauseating. I finally broke down and went to the nurses station for fresh air and mercy. The nurses were very understanding and worked out a new room arrangement for my roommate.

I am hoping for a very uneventful weekend. Steve is coming for a solo visit and I am looking forward to time "alone." I miss my family constantly and several times a day have to convince myself all over again that we made the right choice being admitted so early.

Thank you again for all your kinds words of support. They mean much more than I can say!