Monday, October 18, 2010

Details

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we
don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have
to let go. ~Author Unknown

First of all, your comments have brought such comfort to us and every time I see the words "I know Natalie" I feel so blessed. Thank you so very much for loving our daughter. Your taking the time to write us is appreciated more than we can say. We have reread the comments over and over and are always overcome with emotion.

The link for Natalie's obituary is on the funeral home website. You can find it here and here. It will appear in the Democrat and Chronicle tomorrow. There was a great deal of confusion surrounding it as I somehow attached the unedited version when I sent it in. By the time we were made aware we were 30 minutes from home and trying to pick out Natalie's clothes. There was no time to return before the deadline. Writing my daughter's obituary was a near impossible task so I suppose I am grateful that it is done at all. It would never have been perfect enough to match her regardless.

Clearly this is not a position we knew we would be in and there are many details to attend to. We are in the process of starting a non-profit organization called The "I Know Natalie" Fund. This requires the assistance of a lawyer and some time. Our intention is to collect money and provide a large donation to the NICU that was Natalie's second home. In the coming months we will be doing some fund raising efforts through the non-profit account as well.

Some of my dear friends surprised me today by setting up a donation site in Natalie's honor. Without us discussing it beforehand, they called the website "I Know Natalie." Great Snoogle minds think alike.

Thank you again for helping to hold us up. Losing Natalie hardly seems real yet at the same time will hit me with great intensity out of nowhere. I keep wanting to call the NICU for an update or drive over to visit her. Twice I have caught myself reading what others have written about her and thought how wonderful it will be when she can read it someday. Then I remember there is no longer someday. Our future is not at all what it should be. The first night I would not fall asleep because I could not face waking up and realizing it all over again.

There are a million things to say, and at some point I will share the story of Natalie's last day. Right now I don't know what to keep to myself and what to set in print. We are moving through this very strange process....as everyone says, you are not supposed to lose your child. Choosing a burial site is all at once precious, surreal and agonizing. These are some of the last concrete things we are able to do for her and we want it all to be the best it can. We have to find ways to endure the unendurable.














24 comments:

  1. Thinking of you my friend. There are really are no words....

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  2. We are so sorry for the loss of your beloved Natalie. We know Natalie and can feel the love you will always have for her.

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  3. Natalie is so beautiful.

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  4. I'm so, so sorry. I feel so blessed to have known Natalie and your family, even though we've never met. Your family will be in our prayers.

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  5. No words.... I am thinking about You. I hope Natalie is happy and healthy now - beauty , little angel. Hugs for all of You!

    Marta from Poland

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  6. JT and family....I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Natalie was SO perfect and so precious and such a fighter and I read each and every post you wrote about her. I feel honored to have "known" her. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are going through and I pray for peace and comfort for you and your families in such a difficult time. Thinking about you and sending love.
    Amber (from BBC)

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  7. I have no words for such an immeasurable loss. I just want to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  8. I have no words to console such an immeasurable loss, but please know you and Natalie have both forever touched my heart. I know Natalie! Leanne

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  9. I know that we do not know each other, but a friend of yours directed me to your blog. I have lost a child as well. Kayleigh was in the NICU for 11 1/2 months & never came home. She also had a trach, open heart surgery, multiple other surgeries, etc. Please reach out if you need to talk. Aimee@TeamFreemanProperties.com.

    www.KayleighAnneFreeman.blogspot.com

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  10. Thank you for sharing Natalie with us all!!!

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  11. "I know Natalie" and could never forget her. She had the best mom. I wish more then anything I could do something for you and your family. My thoughts are with you!!! Sending love your way...

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  12. Ive been reading your blog, and "I know Natalie".. I am deeply sorry for your loss. nay your family be surrounded with love and peace.

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  13. You have loved her and cared for her so well. I know Natalie and am a witness to how she was so loved and adored.

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  14. Thank you for sharing Natalie with so many of us, she who is remembered never dies I will always remember your sweet girl and her loving big sister. May God grant your needs at this time.

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  15. I volunteer with Carol at St. Joseph's Neighborhood Center. I want to send my heartfelt condolences to the whole family. Having lost a brother at age 4 months, I can assure you that he has never been forgotten. His little foot print will be on the good earth forever. My prayers are with you and yours. Laurie Ditzel

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  16. Jennifer and Stephen, I have read most of your blogs. I can't even find the words to express my sorrow for you. As you know, I just lost my brother two weeks ago. It is not even comprehendable why we lose such beautiful angels. It is so unfair. I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending hugs to Anneliesse. I pray that you will find a little bit of peace someday. God Bless, Miss Patti (SSLC)

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  17. I Know Natalie. I came across your blog through a mutual friend on facebook last summer. I found myself reading through the entire thing in one sitting. I would check on Natalie's status at least once a week and she was always in my prayers. I was so saddened to see that she had passed. Your family has amazing strength. There are no words to say how sorry I am for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers and will always remember Natalie.

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  18. So sorry for your loss. When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.

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  20. Oops I erased it on accident. I just wanted to say that I am Thinking about and praying for you guys today.

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  21. God Bless Natalie <3 Thank you for sharing her with the world...I know her and will never forget what a fighter she was...she's an inspiration <3 I know nothing I can say will take away the pain your family is feeling right now, I do hope you can take some comfort in knowing how many people love your angel...people who have never even met her or your family KNOW HER and she will NEVER be forgotten xoxo

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  22. thinking of you.

    Stana

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  23. I know Natalie. My son was in the NICU under bili lights September 24-25 in the room next to your daughter. He shared nurses and a monitor with her. We saw first hand your love for her when you visited. She is a very special little girl and we will always remember "knowing" her for that moment in time. Our prayers are with your family.

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