Update

This is Jennifer's husband, Steve. Jennifer started experiencing some bleeding Thursday afternoon and is now being monitored on the high risk floor. Mother and baby girl are stable and it's just a precaution. We will update when there are new developments.

28 WEEKS!

March 14th has been circled on my calendar since early January. Reaching 28 weeks was a major goal for me and it always seemed just too far away. Now it is here and it feels a little bit like Christmas. As an added bonus I also started my second round of steroids today. They will be in full effect Tuesday morning. This has all given me a new sense of calm. Reaching 28 weeks and having both rounds of steroids leaves me with the feeling that if she were to be born now she stands a much better chance. Assuming she has lung development we are in a completely different place than when I was admitted at 23 weeks 5 days.

My move back into the hospital has been very smooth. I met a nurse in the nigh risk ward who asked if I have really been ruptured since 15 weeks. She said it was "amaaaaazing!" What a perfect adjective for our little warrior baby. I returned to the regular antenatal ward Saturday morning and was welcomed back to the very same room and bed that I had left just days before. I have also had great reunions with my favorite nurses. I hadn't realized just how attached I had become to them until I returned.

My temperature and heart rate are all in the normal range so most likely the sickness I felt on Friday was just the arrival of the cold Annie gave me.

My new motto with being hospitalized is "I'm not sweating it." Roommates swearing at their unborn babies? Roommates upset at being in the hospital and missing parole hearings? Roommates being here several days without brushing their teeth or washing their hands? I am not sweating it. I am here and I will be here until I deliver. I am not letting the hospital experience take away from my last days (or weeks) of pregnancy.

Anneliese has adjusted to me being back in the "hopsibul" although she asks me to come home all the time. She too has bonded with the nurses and gets upset when certain ladies are not working. Last night we discovered a long hallway with a ramp during our wheelchair ride. Steve would get a running start and then send us flying down the hall. Annie is a big fan of this and it gives Steve a bonus workout. I am glad that even in the hospital we can create happy memories together.

This morning Annie helped nurse Heather find Baby Sister's heart beat. Baby Girl is back to her tricks of hiding from the nurses during heart rate checks. Having Annie's help encouraged her to come out and show off her strong heart beat. When nurse Heather left Annie said "Thank you for all your help!"



Today I am taking a break from worrying and will just celebrate that we made it so far. This is a very happy day.

Back in the Joint

Today I woke up feeling a little under the weather. Nothings dramatic-just the overall feeling of coming down with something. This can be the first sign of infection, though, so we were directed to OB triage to get checked out. When we got to triage they immediately said I was being admitted to the high risk floor.

So far everything looks good. Baby Girl is on a monitor and has been doing just what a baby her age should be doing. I do not have a fever and both of our heart rates are normal.

I will be staying for at least a few days to be cautious. They should move me from high risk to the regular antenatal floor (aka my home away from home) sometime tonight or in the morning.

I am disappointed to not be spending the weekend at home with Annie and Steve but know that I am in the best place possible for Baby Girl.

breaking out

Yesterday Baby Girl had a wonderful no-stress test. My blood sugars have been incredibly good regardless of what I eat. I now refer to the diagnosis as My-So-Called-Diabetes.

Today we had another routine u/s and Baby Girl is a nice solid 2 pounds. My AFI (amniotic fluid index) was only a little over 3 cm, but I lost a great deal of fluid last night and was expecting it to be low. We also had a long heart to heart with the attending maternal fetal medicine specialist. She feels that I am at a point where we could safely consider following the pregnancy as an outpatient. I have been very stable and they expect things to continue to be stable. She thinks we are competent enough to monitor things for infection and we live close enough to get to the hospital in an emergency.

This is something we have talked about a great deal and is not a decision I take lightly. I have reached a point, however, that I think for my mental health I would be much better off at home. The risks of being away from the hospital are very low according to everyone we have talked to. It would be different if I were on monitors here 24/7 but I am not. Therefore the chances of them catching a compressed cord here in time to do anything about it is as likely as I am to notice at home. We are renting another Doppler so I can listen in at her whenever I want and I can come in as an outpatient for non-stress tests and u/s.

We also know that we can choose to be readmitted at any time, so this is somewhat of a trial run. I have promised to not go upstairs more than once a day and to rest as much as possible.

So, when Steve is done with work today he will come get me with Anneliese. I can not wait to tell her I am coming home and to have the freedom to spend time with her every night and tuck her into bed. I am not 100% comfortable with leaving the hospital but when we weigh the true risks against the benefits it is the best choice for us right now.

Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers. We are certainly very hopeful for our little girl and it is so nice to watch her grow bigger and stronger with each u/s. Today the doctor told us she is optimistic. This is the first time a doctor has said something remotely positive about the potential outcome (the second most positive statement being "it is not impossible"). We thank you for being hopeful with us.

27 Weeks

We had a nice uneventful weekend and have safely arrived at 27 weeks. Annie and Steve had a long visit yesterday. We were hoping that she would take a nap but she snuggled with me wide awake while Steve crashed and had a well deserved rest.

Today Baby Girl Tee was unusually quiet. She is normally very active after mealtimes (this girl loves to eat vicariously) but today there was barely any response. When things hadn't picked up by 1:00 I became concerned and the nurse decided to do a non-stress test to put our minds at ease. As soon as the monitor was in place Baby Girl snapped to attention and gave a perfect strip. Once again she had accels that would make a 32 week old fetus proud. She also had hiccups for a good ten minutes and this provided much amusement for her parents. Steve hadn't heard them before and of course thought his daughter had the most adorable hiccups known to mankind.

Anneliese is getting more and more interested in the idea of having a sister. We passed the nursery once on a wheelchair ride and Steve held her up to look at the babies. She became very upset when we had to leave and demanded that I get her baby out of my belly NOW. She has big plans for the two of them. Today she told us how she would "take Baby Sister to the zoo but the baby would be scared of the elephants and she would help her." It is a bittersweet thing to hear her make plans for a future that is so uncertain. There is no way to explain this to a two year old so right now we are letting her dream and hoping there are no difficult conversations in our future. In the meantime I enjoy having my daughters together and watching Annie rub my belly and talk to her baby sister. It reminds me of long ago, before the pregnancy took such a complicated turn. Annie would sit on the bed next to me and talk to my stomach. She once pushed on my belly and Baby Girl started kicking her hand. I wasn't sure if I had witnessed the first time they played together or the first time they fought.

The maternal fetal medicine team is meeting this week to decide on the timing for my next round of steroids. The hospital does not have guidelines in place so it's decided on a case by case basis. There is some disagreement on whether they should do it at 28 weeks or hold off and hope she is born later. They will only do a maximum of two rounds (2 shots each round). There is evidence that any more than that carries risk to the baby. The attending doctor this afternoon said "more than two rounds and they start seeing small heads." We, of course, want Baby Girl to keep her nice big Mellem-noggin.

I am hoping they decide to do the injections sooner than later. They have to be given at least 48 hours before delivery to be effective and in our situation delivery is very hard to predict. They are most effective for two weeks following the injections but it is not as though the effectiveness drops down to zero after 14 days.

One thing that may be hard to understand is that the steroids can only help mature lung tissue that is present. If her lungs are severely undersized due to the low amniotic fluid the steroids will not change the outcome. We are choosing to have hope, however, and want whatever lung tissue she has to be as mature as possible. I am very much hoping to get another round of steroids in before she is born.

Here's to making it a whole 12 weeks with ruptured membranes!

Three Weeks on the Inside

I have now been enjoy the luxurious accommodations of Strong Memorial for three weeks. I sometimes wonder why we decided to admit so early when things have proven to be uneventful. Steve then reminds me that if I had been at home all this time things probably would not have gone so smoothly. If only we had a crystal ball (or heck-even a Magic 8 Ball) to predict the future and know the best course of action to take.

Today Baby Girl had her regularly scheduled NST. The nurse stayed for the first few minutes to see how she was doing and of course there were a few variable decels right off the bat. She explained again how these are to be expected, especially in our situation. They do not worry unless it is a "deep decel." As if on cue Baby Girl then gave a very deep decel. Her heart rate dropped from the 140s down to 80 and stayed for about 10 seconds. The doctors on rounds were visiting my roommate and quickly ran over. Once I changed position her rate popped right back up but it gave us all a good scare. The doctors decided to leave me on the monitor for another full hour to see how she did. If there was a pattern of deep decels I would be moved to the high risk floor for a longer period of monitoring. Luckily Baby Girl was very active the next hour and gave a great heart rate strip.

The reality is that with such low fluid she is more vulnerable to cord compression and we have an increased risk of a stillbirth. They assure me this is not a common outcome but it is a very real possibility. The hospital policy in my condition is to monitor twice a week. They do not see value in constant monitoring as long as everything else looks good. For about the millionth time in this pregnancy I am wishing there was a window into my uterus so I could always know what it going on.

Other than that things are going well physically. I can still answer "no" to the numerous questions that would signal a problem. No contractions, bleeding, chills, abdominal pain etc. Well, Baby Girl has been sticking a very cute appendage out my lower right side so I have some soreness there but nothing that would indicate chorioamnionitis, an infection of the amniotic sac.

The doctors seem to feel that since I have lasted this long with ruptured membranes I will not likely go into labor on my own in the near future(but no promises). The biggest risk for early delivery is still infection. They still can not give us reassurance regarding if she has lungs or not. I know intellectually that there is no way for them to predict but I still resent being left in the dark. It must be some sort of "kill the messenger" issue I'm having.

My blood sugars have been so good I have been downgraded to testing only three days a week. I am a master of carb counting.

Anneliese is learning hospital lingo. As we passed the nurses station last night she asked me "Mommy, do you need your blood sugar?" She gets a special thrill out of witnessing my finger sticks and heparin injections. The nurses were afraid it would scare her but I see it as an opportunity to show her how to be brave with needles. So far she's learned to be brave as long as the needle is not intended for her.

Thank you as always for the good thoughts and prayers. We are so grateful for everyone's support!

26 weeks 3 days

This week has gone smoothly so far (I would knock on would but am surrounded by laminate). Her NST went well with several mini-accels and a big whopper of one. She has now settled into regular periods of activity during the day. I can count on a lot of movement in the early morning, late afternoon and then the big finale at 10PM. I really enjoy that time with her.

The only discouraging part of the week has been increased fluid leakage. This is the longest period I've gone with such constant fluid loss. I have had very leaky days in the past but it usually slows down within a day or two. I keep hoping that she will change positions and act as a "cork."

My gestational diabetes has been easily managed with diet. If you are what you eat, then right now I am well balanced, boring and repetitive. My issues with the food service here have really improved. I had complained enough to earn a red mat on my tray, meaning every meal sent up is checked by a supervisor first. Normally I would feel self-conscious about complaining but now I see it as necessary to my survival.

I also spoke up for myself yesterday and asked to have my overnight nursed changed. The nurses here have been overwhelmingly wonderful with minor exceptions. Even the nurses I do not feel a bond with I trust are competent and I feel confident in their care. There is just one nurse that makes me want to hide in the bathroom when she enters my room. The morning of my oral glucose test she drew my blood twice. She missed once and fished around (not so pleasant in a hand stick). The next time she was able to get into a hand vein but then panicked. She demanded I hit the call button, yelled at me when no one answered and kept asking "didn't you hit it???!!!" (a little snicker here for a nurse being on the other end of the call bell during shift change) After screaming into the hall she was able to get someone's attention. She never attached the plastic hub the vacutainer tube fits into-she never even brought one into the room. I got to sit with a painful needle in my hand for several minutes while she tried to procure one. Anyhow, this did not leave me feeling very warm towards her, especially as she snapped at me and never apologized for her mistake. I had her as my nurse once after that and she got upset while taking my blood pressure because the sign over my bed says "no BP on right arm." I had to explain that when she is facing me her right is my left. I really wish I was making that up. The next night I asked to be switched rather than endure another 12 hours worrying that I would be depending on her in an emergency.


Anneliese is doing well and enjoying her days in the care of family members. She has become a staff favorite during her visits and clearly enjoys the attention. Somehow Steve has managed to hold himself together while being pulled in many directions. I am, as always, grateful for having such a wonderful husband. I would say right now I am not even taking things one day at a time-it is much more like a few hours at a time. I can't explain the stress of living with this much uncertainty compounded with the stress of being hospitalized long term. I look down at my stomach and tell her this is an act of love. I want nothing more right now than to see my daughter survive. This is the hardest journey of my life but worth every bit of increased chance it gives our baby girl.

Thank you again for your continued support and prayers. It helps to carry us along.